Highway 9 to the Alfalfa Plantation
or
The Late Night Adventures of a Horny Remy and a Pissy Jean

by
Lady-T



Disclaimer: I do not claim ownership, ergo you do not sue me. Even if you did, you would get nothing but a stack of empty Tequila bottles because I am merely a poor, starving student, steadily drinking their way through whatever money comes in their direction.

Author's note: Bit of a deviation from the norm. Just woke up one morning with a comedy concept in my head and it all went from there.




1 a.m. : Hallway outside Jean and Scott's room.

"Damnit, I've lost my bra somewhere. . . "

"No problem Darlin', it'll turn up. I'll just hold onto them for ya. . . "

"Oh God, tempting as that is, at least keep the noise down. I think people are trying to sleep."


Muffled noises echoed through the door of her room and Jean groaned in silence.

"There, that better? These are heavy darlin'. . . "

"Mmmm, much better."


A happy sigh and a low chuckle followed and the footsteps continued a little way down the hallway.

Jean grunted and pulled the covers over her head, rolling into Scott.


1:02 a.m. : 4 feet further down the hallway, outside Remy's room, just before the carved bust of some ancient Roman dude.

"Will you get your hand out of there?"

"I'm sorry, it's just it's nice and warm down there Darlin'."

"Can't resist temptation, can you?"

"Not this kind."


Jean grunted in annoyance at her continued disturbance and Remy sighed happily in his bed, running over the idea of getting his hand somewhere warm and tempting next time the offer presented itself. Then he silenced a muffled giggle at the idea of the scary ole Wolverine getting the opportunity at all.

"Musta' got her drunk. . . " He mumbled, sleepily.


1:04 a.m. : A little further down the hallway, Outside Jubilee's room, right by the side of the suspicious orange stain on the carpet.

"You're gonna' have to get your hand outta' there Logan, you're making it hard to walk, here."

Jubilee paused in the perusal of her magazine.

"But it feels real good."

"I know it feels good, but just wait a minute, OK? What would someone think if they saw?"


Jubilee raised an eyebrow, imagination not needing a whole lot of kicking to draw it's own conclusions.

Logan and. . . Now what was her name again?

Remy began chewing the bed sheets in an effort not to laugh so loudly.

Jean growled a curse upon the heads of all horny bastards keeping her awake during the night.


1:05 a.m. : Outside Kitty's room just to the left of the potted aspidistra.

"Logan, quit playing with that!"

Kitty looked up from her PC. That sounded like Myst, the new teacher Xavier had hired.

"So nice and soft down here Darlin. . . smells real good too. . . "

Kitty's eyebrows shot up.

Remy coughed his laughter. "Smooth Wolvie, real smooth. . . "

"Oh God," growled Jean. "Get a room!"


1:06 a.m. : Just past the plant, heading towards the little piece of cracked wood paneling.

"You know you like it too. . . You must do somethin' magic Darlin, cos it's so warm and soft down here. . . I just wanna' stroke it like this all night."

They could all hear the low chuckle coming from Logan's throat and the silence that was Myst grinning.

"Logan, you're my friend and Myst, you are a great teacher and I'm glad you're finding a life here, but I will kill you both. . . " fumed Jean, throwing off the covers and storming to the door. "I need sleep, damnit!"

"This, Remy got to see, jus' to prove he's not dreamin'," smirked Gambit, sliding out of bed.

"Oh man, the Wolvster's got lucky!" giggled Jubliee. "Must see this for myself. . . "

"I really shouldn't. . . but I gotta'." Whispered Kitty, slinking towards the door.

Doors opened and faces peeped out. Three voyeurs and a grumpy doctor.

Logan's arms were full of two massive piles of freshly folded laundry, a happy expression on his face as he rubbed his hand further into the blue plastic basket Myst was carrying, busily hunting down the middle of a pile of fluffy new towels, soft and warm from the dryer.

He looked up to find four sets of bemused eyes peeping round from their bedroom doors.

"What?"


8:30 a.m. : Kitchen, somewhere between the backdoor and the stove, huddled around a small coffee spill just to the right of the salt pot.

"I can't believe I thought they were making out in the hallway. . . " Blushed Jean.

"I can't believe Remy thought they were making out at all!" Said Gambit, furiously stirring his mug and shaking his head with amusement.

"Doing the laundry? I mean, honestly!" Sighed Jubilee.

"Don't know what possessed us. I mean, think about it, Logan and Myst?" Kitty looked at the others incredulously.

They all nodded.

Logan and Myst?

Not a chance in hell.


8:45 a.m. : Laundry room, in front of the closed door, just under the damp patch on the ceiling shaped like a barking penguin.

Myst dumped down the blue plastic basket and opened the nearest washing machine, pulling out a damp, crumpled, black object from its depths.

"Hey look, I found that bra I lost."

She threw it on top of the counter. "Okay Logan, same as last night. You put the whites in, I'll get the second load started over there and then we fuck like Leprechauns on the tumble dryer, OK?"

"Sounds great."



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