Jean, Scott and the Professor were waiting for them in the medlab. The moment the doors slid open to reveal the stark, sterile lab, with all its shiny metal surfaces, Kiara's grip on Logan's hand tightened to the point of pain. The overwhelming scent of her fear in the air almost drove him to turn right around and drag her out of there, and to hell with the whole thing. He was on the verge of doing just that, when Kiara turned her head towards him and gave a tiny shake of her head. Almost as if she'd known what he was thinking. When she turned back to face the others, there was a carefully arranged smile on her face. And yet her fear hadn't diminished, it seemed to grow with every step they took. Logan's brain was screaming at him, This is wrong. A mistake. Get her out of here... Now. Again, Kiara turned to him, her grip on his hand bringing him to a sudden halt. She reached up with her free hand and tenderly brushed his cheek.
"Logan, I may be frightened. But I need to do this. No matter what," she swallowed, her voice shaky, "no matter what they find, I don't regret any of this. Not if it means having you back..." Her voice trailed off and she leaned into him, her forehead resting agaist his, as he tilted his head down towards her. They remained like that for several minutes, just staring into each other's eyes, until a polite cough from the Professor gained their attention.
"Kiara... if this is too much for you, we can hold off until you're ready," he said, his voice warm and kind.
Kiara shook her head. "No, I'm ready now. But...." she stopped, hesitant.
"Yeah?"
"Would it be too much to ask that Jean be the one who... who looks into my mind?" Jean started at Kiara's surprising request and then a smile lit up her face.
"Not at all. Jean is more than advanced enough in her telepathy to accomplish what you ask. I will link with her, to provide any necessary guidance, but Jean will be the only one linked directly with you. Now, it would be best if you were laying down for this, so please follow Jean and she'll help you get settled on one of the examination tables. It may take some time to sift through your memories and we would'nt want you to be uncomfortable during that time."
Kiara nodded, and slowly letting go of Logan's hand, followed Jean towards one corner of the medlab, where a padded table stood alone. As Logan moved towards them, Xavier's hand on his arm stopped him.
"Logan, it would be best if you watched this from a distance," came the soft words.
"What?" Instant anger threatened to overwhelm Logan and he had to struggle not to jerk his arm out of the older man's grasp.
"Your emotions are very... strong. If you're too close to Kiara while Jean is linking with her, it may make it too difficult to tell Kiara's memories from yours. I'm not asking you to leave, Logan - I would never do that. I am only asking that you stay at least ten feet away from Kiara until it's over. It will make it easier on Kiara."
Despite what his instincts were screaming at him, Logan nodded reluctantly. With one last glare at Scott, who'd stood silent for the whole exchange, he stalked over to the corner of the lab, yanked a chair over to the farthest wall from the table where Kiara now lay, and sat down with a sullen grunt. Jean, who sat in a matching chair at Kiara's head, looked over at him, a sympathetic smile on her face.
"I won't hurt her, Logan." His eyes narrowed at her words.
"See that you don't," was his growled response. Jean nodded once at him, and then looked back down at Kiara, her hands hovering at the sides of the other woman's head.
"Are you ready, Kiara?" A mute nod. "Okay, then close your eyes and try to relax. It may feel a little... odd, but I promise it won't hurt." Kiara obediently shut her eyes, and Jean placed her hands against the sides of her head and closed her own eyes. Time seemed to slow to a crawl in the lab, as the Professor sat in his wheelchair directly behind Jean, his eyes also closed in concentration. Scott leaned against the wall a short distance away, face expressionless as he periodically glanced over at where Logan sat hunched in the chair, eyes focused on Kiara's face. Minute after long minute passed in silence, turning into an hour. Then two, as the trio at the table remained completely motionless...
The silence was suddenly broken by a strangled sound from Jean. As tears began to trickle out of her tightly closed eyes to run down her cheeks, Kiara's body began to shake and tremble. Logan shot out of his chair with a force that sent it flying. Scott pushed off the wall and intercepted him halfway to the table.
"Logan, no - not while they're still both linked," the young man warned, a hand came up to press against Logan's chest and he stopped, staring down at it.
"Get. Your. Hand. Off. Me." Each word was bitten off by a fury that threatened to drive him right over the edge. Only the Professor's voice kept him from burying his claws in the other man's chest.
"Scott, let Logan go. They're both coming out of it now." Xavier's voice sounded weary and weighed down by a sadness that sent a shiver straight into Logan's soul. He looked over Scott's shoulder, to see Kiara sitting up on the table, her head bowed in her hands. Her shoulders shaking... Jean stood beside her, one hand on her back. Comforting... The smell of salt tears was so strong in the air, it stung Logan's nose... He began to walk slowly towards her, his legs threatening to give out underneath the unexplainable fear coursing through him.
"Kiara..." Her name came out as a whisper, but her head whipped up at the sound of his voice. The look on her face turned his feet to cement and he ground to a halt. Such fear, such pain... such resentment. She mouthed the word 'no' at him, holding a hand out to ward him off. Ward *him* off... He fought to breath with lungs that didn't want to work. Jean looked from him to the professor, tears still streaming down her own face as she pulled Kiara closer to her, and closed her eyes in concentration.
"Logan," Xavier said quietly. "It seems that Jean encountered more than just Kiara's memories of the experiment and of... of her miscarriage." The Professor's voice stopped, as if he found himself unable or unsure of how to continue. That frightened Logan. Frightened him badly...
"What else did she find?" He had to force himself to speak, to ask despite a sudden overwhelming desire *not* to know. Not to know what had done this to Jean and to Kiara... not to know what had put that look in her eyes when she'd seen *him*... Xavier took a deep breath and then continued slowly.
"Apparently, the men who were responsible for... what was done to you, they convinced Kiara to go along with them. You were evidently being too 'difficult' for them to proceed as planned, and they needed your compliance to continue. They told her that you'd been injured and were in serious condition. Once they had her inside the lab, they showed her to you. They... she... was raped and sodomized in front of you and they threatened to kill her unless they had your full cooperation. It was only when she healed immediately after their.. violations, that they discovered her own healing powers. And made her a part of their program..." Xavier's voice trailed off into silence again and Logan was vaguely aware of Scott coming up to stand beside him.
"Because of me..." Then his world shattered into a thousand splinters. He couldn't breath. His eyes stared out at them all but nothing registered. Only the pain. The unbearable, crushing pain inside that was tearing him into pieces. A part of him was dimly aware of Scott's voice, of the younger man's hands on his arms, trying to stop him as he spun and headed for the door. That same small part was able to keep the claws sheathed as he threw Scott against the wall with a howl of pain and ran. Ran out of that sterile, white room... Ran through the halls to the outside... Jumped on the motorcycle and tore off down the drive, voices shouting after him... Trees whipped past him in a blur, as the bike screamed around the curves of the road. His heart was thudding in his chest and he couldn't see. Couldn't see the road, couldn't see where the bike was even headed. Didn't care...
When the bike skidded out from under him on a patch of damp leaves, his body hit the paved road and he tumbled endlessly, finally coming to a stop against a tree on the side of the road. Lay there staring at the sky, feeling the ripped and torn skin healing, feeling the broken ribs and leg knitting back together... Felt his body bleeding inside from a pain that wasn't physical.
A pain that his abilities could never heal. Because of him... It had been because of him... what had been done to her... all because of him...
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