Fatal Caress
Chapter 1
by
Misty
DISTRIBUTION: You got Almost a Woman archived? You can have this one. Everyone else, please ask.
NOTES: Written because people wanted a sequel. I have a rough idea where I'm going with this, and I do know it's going to be a series. I have to finish some other fiction though in the Angel and Xena genres before I write the next story, but I figured my X-men site needed some more fic anyway.
I hear the ticking of the clock
I'm lying here
The room's pitch dark
I wonder where you are tonight
No answer on the telephone
And the night rolls by so very slow
Oh, I hope that it won't end though
Alone
'Till now
I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How did I get to alone?
How did I get to alone?
You don't know how I long I have wanted
To touch your lips and hold you tight
You don't know how long I have waited
And I was going to tell you tonight
But the secret is still my own
And my love for you is still unknown
Alone
by Heart
~*~
He's started watchin' me.
I can feel it, even though I'm trying my hardest not to even look in his direction, to treat him like every other boy I've had to discourage from their romantic urgin's.
Only three guys never got it. Never seemed to realize how much it hurt me to have to keep pushing them away...
Bobby. My best friend since the day I entered the Academy, with his sweet smile and his beautiful eyes, and his honest and sincere personality. He's seen what I can do and it doesn't matter to him. He's held me before, when I had broken down, and even when my eyes were watering and my form was raking with sobs, I was careful not to let any skin touch him. And he knew. I think that hurt him, in some bizarre way... like we're so close I could forget about that little thing I have where I can suck his life away.
And there's Remy the Gambit... Damn. He's so allurin'. He's got this bad boy look, and this bad boy accent and this bad boy thinkin' and he wants ME. Practically every girl my age in this school wants him and he wants me. Honestly, I think it's the challenge. I'll never let my guard down, I'll never let him hold me or kiss me, and Mr. New Orleans gets off on that I think. At least that's how it started. Now he's tellin' me he loves me. That I've gotten into his heart. He's got this honey accent and this earnest look, and I want to believe him. I do.
But I can't.
Professor Xavier is always tellin' us not to look at our "gifts" as a curse, but as a blessing. He's told me time and time again, that I'm key, that with my flyin' and touchin' and strength I make up a very good portion of the X-men. Jean tells me they'd be lost without me.
I'm Rogue, you know? And over the years, I've come to really make that name mine. All these personalities inside of me, make me a bit of a spitfire sometimes. Not that anyone complains. For some reason, it seems to fit, with these white bangs that I can't remember ever bein' without.
And when I look at myself in the mirror, when I see those bangs, I remember him. I liked to remember him. It had been so long since he had been gone, so long since he had held me, since I had almost killed him... twice... that I had held him, and comforted myself in his embrace. He was more than a man to me, he was more than Logan, and more than the Wolverine... he was inside me... I can still feel him, in my head... and I understood him... even though I don't think he ever really understood himself.
That was the only blessin'. Feeling him. On those lonely nights, I would reach out to him, and he would be there. As I grew, as I changed, the only thing that didn't was that he was still there. Inside of me, comforting me like he had for those fleeting days where he had been my anchor and my savior.
I never thought of it as silly... I never thought of it as a little school girl crush, though I knew that's what everyone else thought... what Jean and Storm and Scott thought... but it wasn't... It was need, it was intimacy, the only real intimacy I had ever had.
At night, I would close my eyes, the dog tags that he had given me in my hands, and I would reach out to him... and he was always there... Months turned into years... and he was still there...
Until he began to fade.
I still don't know how he lasted as long as I did. Maybe it's 'cause I didn't want him to leave me, maybe because having him in my mind, just below my consciousness, was something I needed in me, like a blanket. It was proof that he existed... that what had happened was real... that there was someone like him out there... that he was still out there.
His feelings inside me were soft, quiet, and yet at times violent... and when they began to leave me I didn't fight it... I thought it was time to move on... to get past it... even if his tags always lay hidden under my uniform, even if at nights I still slept with my fingers wrapped around them.
And then he came back. He came back, and he hadn't changed one bit... I mean, I think he was still wearing the same clothes!
And I wasn't surprised... I felt him inside, getting antsy, his consciousness fading and not liking that one bit... he was like that...
Didn't give up easy. He never really did.
I don' t know why I was expectin' to see him. But I did. And there he was, next to me... and it was like nothing had changed.
And then he touched me.
And that fading caress...
It all lit up inside of me. Every emotion, every thought, the feel of him, inside me, who he was... who he wanted... what he wanted.
Logan wanted me.
Something changed. He didn't run. Not again. Instead he stayed. He stayed, and no one knew why. He kept to himself mostly. Didn't accept Jean's or Ororo's offer to teach, instead, just stayed.
The Professor didn't say anything about it. He just let him stay, without doing anything.
And knowin' that he was here, every second of every day... it scared the hell out of me.
And it was happening again.
I was in the rec room, reading this book that the doctor wanted me to check up on, since she wanted me to go for my degree and all, and suddenly I looked up and he was there, in the doorway. His eyes met mine, and he started forward, once, I think, but my eyes suddenly broke from his gaze, and I felt them riveted to my book.
My heart was heaving and my palms were sweating, and God, it was LOGAN. He was my first real friend... my first... crush... my first... love, even if he never knew it.
And he's here now... and he's watchin' me...
"Rogue?" My eyes lifted up to meet Jean's, and I gave a small smile of hello as I looked back down at the book in my hands.
"Hey."
"Hey. Do you mind if I sit down?"
I slowly shook my head no, and the older woman smiled, settling down beside me. "I was just curious as to what you were reading?"
"Metaphysics," I responded slowly, my voice distracted as I tried to keep my eyes from moving to who I knew was in the doorway.
"Hmmm. Do you always read it upside down?"
"What?" Surprised, my eyes flitted down to my book, and realized that the book was, in fact, upside down. "Oh." Blushing, I quickly righted it, hoping he hadn't seen.
My eyes slid quickly to him, and the smirk on his face from the corner of my eyes told me he had.
I bit my lip.
"Hey." Jean's palm settled on my shoulder, and she squeezed softly. "You okay? You've been acting kind of... odd."
"Ah'm fine," I drawled, and winced. My accent was a dead give away. It always got thick when I got nervous, and it was clear Jean had picked up on it. Feeling my cheeks grow hot, I looked up to her and noticed her eyes narrowed slightly.
"Are you trying to read my mind again, Dr. Grey?" I whispered, my eyes flashing as I sat up.
"No! Rogue!" She grabbed my arm, and I had to bite my lip to keep from wrenching my hand away. If I pulled away too fast, I could hurt her, and I didn't want to do that. God... that's what I was... I hurt people. It was like it was my purpose...
"I'm sorry," she said quickly, looking around the living room as the others looked at us. "I didn't mean anything by it. You've never been this closed off before. We're worried, is all."
Taking a breath, I swallowed, trying to force down the anger that I felt. Again, I felt my gaze drift to Logan, who was leaning against the doorway still, his arms crossed, eyes on me, always on me.
"When he was here before... How did it feel when he looked at you, Jean?" I found myself asking. Her eyes flitted down, her telepathy allowing her to understand immediately what I was asking. "I know you love Scott, but... were you ever... tempted..."
She didn't say anything, her eyes never quite meeting mine as I continued speaking softly.
"Even if you knew you couldn't... ever ... did you ever want to?"
When her eyes finally met mine, they were moist, on her face was a grim smile. "Of course I did."
"How did you stop it?"
She cocked her head. "I didn't. He left before I had to make a decision."
"He ran."
"Yes he did." Jean stood, and leaned in her, breath close to my ear. "You know the only person he's paying any sort of attention to now is you. And something tells me he's not going to run again Rogue."
I closed my eyes, felt my heart heave inside of me, at the warning in her voice. She wanted me to love him, she wanted me to try... she knew... she knew how I felt...
Dammit... did NO ONE understand that wasn't possible?!
I pulled away, pushed her aside quickly and walked out of the room, never giving the haunting man in the doorway a second look.
As I turned the corner, the faces that I passed became blurs, my only goal was to get away from this... from feeling him in me... from wanting to touch him... from wanting to take what I had always wanted since the moment I had seen him...
I barely heard someone calling my name, and didn't notice the hands circling my waist until I was pulled close, swung from my momentum into his embrace.
"Rogue, darlin'. What's the big rush?" came an amused voice. "For a second there I thought you were ignorin' me." I blinked, and found myself looking up into the smiling face of Remy.
"Remy... Ah.. can't-" I pressed my palms against his chest, trying to free myself, when he saw my eyes. The tears must have made them look brilliantly wet, because he froze, his smiling face suddenly that of worried concern.
"Rogue darlin' what is it?" His hand slid to my arms, and his grip held me tight. "What's wrong? What happened to you?"
"Nothing."
His grip held her firm, and his hands slid to her shoulders. "Rogue. You're crying."
"I'm not."
"Marie."
My body froze, and Remy sensed it, his eyes looking back to the gruff voice. "What the hell are you doin' here?"
"Remy-"
"Get your hands off her," Logan replied calmly, striding forward, his eyes meeting mine.
"Logan-"
"Like hell." Gambit's eyes ripped from his form to look back to me. "Did he do this to ya, love? Give me the word and -"
"No." The voice came out as a yell, and I shuddered, finally pushing Remy away from me.
Logan's fists were clenched, and when I saw the dangerous stance, I slowly shook my head. Logan must have seen the expression, because he swallowed, the hard form faltering just a bit, until he stared at Gambit, who pretty much just stared right back.
There was a slice cracking through the air and suddenly the blades that I knew were in his fists slid through.
I hadn't heard that sound in five years, but even now, I knew exactly what it meant.
"Logan. No."
"What, you think he can take me with a set of claws?" Remy said, sliding a pack of cards from his pocket.
Logan merely stared at them, and suddenly smiled. "Cards? You're fighting with cards?"
"More than that, wolf boy."
I felt like I was in the middle of some cheap soap opera. All that was left now was some talkin' little doll to come running up to me.
Anger suddenly rose in me, and I snapped, "You boys gonna start pullin' out and measurin' soon?"
Remy's eyes widened, and Logan's narrowed, for a second he looked amused, but he got the point. The knives slid back in.
"We need to talk, Marie," he said in a fierce whisper, ignoring Remy completely. His eyes bore into mine, and for a second, I felt him, in me. I remembered the way he held me, the promise to protect me, the way I had to pull his torn body away from mine up on the Statue of Liberty when my eyes opened and I realized what had happened.
All those thoughts, all those memories, those feelings the fear, the panic, the affection slid through my body as I remembered his caress... it suddenly seemed like it all happened yesterday.
And I shared them with him.
I felt myself nod suddenly. Remy stiffened next to me, turned to me, and I only bit my lip, shaking my head. "Remy... Please..."
He swallowed, his eyes inspecting my face, and his shoulders slumped slightly.
"Are you sure?" he asked gently.
"Ah'm sure," I responded, unable to keep the accent out of my voice. "He's a friend, Remy."
He pursed his lips in silent thought, and I could see the wheels turning in his head. He didn't like what was happening. Remy liked to be in control of things. He liked to be ahead. He never even considered Bobby real competition cause Bobby was a boy to him.
Funny how they thought like that. Bobby was a year older than I was. Yet to them I was a woman and he was a boy. Amazin' what a few curves and a bolt of white hair would do.
Even now I wonder what I'm going to look like when I'm forty.
"It's okay, Remy."
"Yeah, Remy," Logan said, a sneer on his face, put on for the mere purpose of irritating my friend. "Get out of here."
I inwardly groaned when the taller man stiffened and turned back. Gambit had his dangerous face on, all stone cold and passive.
His hands reached into his pocket and I prayed he wasn't going for his cards. Lord, could he go nuts with those little bombs he charged.
"The Wolverine, right?" he asked, standing in front of me. "I heard about you. I heard about your-"
"Remy." I pressed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed, and got him to look back at me. My face was pleading with him not to start anything, and thankfully, his face suddenly softened. Glaring back at Logan, he turned back and leaned forward, whispering in my ear. "Be careful. You know where I am if you need me, darlin'."
I closed my eyes, and nodded, thanking him with a look, crossing my arms as I waited for him to edge around Logan, both staring at each other, both daring the other to make a move.
I watched, my fists clenched, prepared to pull them apart if I had to. Damn. This was ridiculous. Didn't they get it? There was nothing to fight for.
Finally, Gambit slid around him, and walked away, his tall, straight body never looking back.
My attention was suddenly taken by Logan when he leaned forward, his face inches from mine when he said in an even voice. "You've been avoiding me."
It was a statement, left no room for argument, and feelin' like the kid I was when I first met this brute of a man, I felt my eyes floating down to my feet, unable to say a word, my heart beatin' wildly.
"And you're not talking to me," he continued, crossings his arms, looking up and down the empty hallway to make sure we were alone. "Tell me why."
I looked up, my eyes suddenly dark and even. "You haven't said a word to anyone about why you're here."
He leaned back, leaning against the wall evenly.
"I thought it was obvious."
His eyes bore into mine, and I found myself taking a step back, leaning against the other side of the corridor, three feet away.
His eyes continued to mesmerize mine. So dark, so intense, so full of familiarity and warmth and... need.
Something inside me broke, and I felt my eyes suddenly flash, my body tense, and suddenly everything went limp.
"Dammit." He cocked his head at the exclamation, and I swallowed. "What's going through your head, Logan?" I whispered, shaking my head. "You barely know me."
The edge of my voice broke, and his face softened. He pulled away from the wall, and walked toward me, placing his palms on the wall on either side of me.
God, Logan... I remember those eyes... I remember that touch... and I remember the pain I caused you. I can feel it coursin' through me. Why can't you understand that?
His face within inches of mine, his eyes staring into mine, a tender expression that I hardly saw on the Wolverine.
"I know you, Marie."
"Don't call me that," I snapped.
"What?"
Placing my palms on his chest, I pushed him away with a strength that surprised him. He flew back, landing with a thud on the other side.
"Don't call me that," I said again, my hand suddenly trembling, my vision suddenly blurry. "I'm not Marie. I don't know if I ever was."
He looked unsure for a minute, and poor Logan actually looked at me for the first time as if he didn't know me.
God. That hurt. That hurt so much. But my face was still, and I only gazed at him, daring him to challenge me.
"You're still in there," he said after a minute.
"No, you're still in here," I almost shouted, my hand to my head, trying to shake the memories out. God, they used to be so comforting...and now all they did was remind me of what I couldn't have.
He stared at me, and suddenly his mouth drifted downwards, his voice a slow, husky growl.
"You've given up too easy."
"Given up?
"Yeah." He came forward, grabbed my shoulders, anger clear in his voice. "You don't think I know how you feel? You're dyin' inside Rogue. You're the type of woman that needs love." I closed my eyes, not wanting to hear it. "LOOK AT ME." My eyes were open when he shook me, his voice angry and hard, so intense... "That needs to be touched and held and made love to. That likes to be kissed and likes to kiss back. You need that. You need love. You're going empty inside without it."
There was a sudden stillness in my heart, as I denied none of it. Damn, Logan. You can't help me now.
I was Rogue... the pillar, the spitfire... the loner. My body was still, and my eyes were cold as I passively said. "And what? You, Logan? You're my savior?
"You know me," he whispered. "You know what I am."
"I thought I did," I answered back shakily.
"You still do."
"I knew the man who ran away from me. Who barely knew me and promised to take me of me when I was a scared little girl who didn't know any better. I knew the man who stayed away for five damn years, and then suddenly decides that he's going to be the one to unlock me? Don't flatter yourself, Logan."
He winced, and suddenly pulled back, his face so unsure as he gazed into mine, seeing the cold expression.
He was quiet for a moment, then, "Don't do this. Don't push me away. You need-"
God... Logan.
I felt my heart heave, the urge to reach out, to hold him to me. He was my anchor, he was inside me... he was a part of me and I loved him. And God... I would only kill him. I would only kill him.
"No, Logan. You think I need you. I don't. The world's moved on and so have I. We have nothing."
I was hurting him. I felt my insides wrench and suddenly my face changed, trying to soften the angry blows, not wanting to hurt him. That was the last thing I wanted. He was everything to me.
"Logan," I whispered, my eyes moist, a tear slipping from my face. "I'm glad you're back but if you're staying for me, don't. It'll never happen."
I slipped free, felt his hand on my covered arm, trying to stop me.
"Rogue-"
I felt a sob wrench itself from my throat and in my panic, snatched my hand back. "Don't you realize how much you're ripping me apart?"
He let go when he saw my face, and I merely turned around, running from him, running from the words that had begun to echo in my mind.
It was in his voice, his voice that was ringing inside my head, his consciousness that liked to slip up, flow through my veins, growling at me in that voice of his.
I could hear it, feel the words clearly.
"You running again?"
I closed my eyes, and wiped at my eyes, and finally lost control, answering the voice in my head with a snap, even if it took every fiber in my body, even if I felt my heart wrench, cry against the decision. I wasn't hurting him. I wasn't going to hurt him. Not him.
"Damn straight."
Damn straight.
All references to characters belonging to the X-Men Universe are (c) and TM the Marvel Comics Group, 20th Century Fox and all related entities. All rights reserved. Any reproduction, duplication or distribution of these materials in any form is expressly prohibited. No money is being made from this archive. All images are also (c) and TM the Marvel Comics Group, 20th Century Fox and all related entities; they are not mine. This website, its operators and any content used on this site relating to the X-Men are not authorized by Marvel, Fox, etc. I am not, nor do I claim to be affiliated with any of these entities in any way.