Canadian Nights: The Story of the Lovers Who Quarreled Chapter 4 by Mo
Disclaimer: The X-Men and Alpha Flight belong to Marvel. The movie belongs to Fox. I do feel like Scott and Logan are a little bit mine since I've been borrowing them for so long.
From: clawguy@hotmail.com
To: Scott @mutant.org
Subject:
Thanks for helping me out last night, Scott. I was kind of in a bad way and really needed a friendly voice. You gave me that, and then some. It was good. Better than I thought it could be. Not quite like the real thing, but good. I don't have much of an imagination, but you know what to say, how to make it seem real for me. First with the email and now on the phone. Hey is that one of your mutant powers, too? Or do you just know me well enough to know how to turn me on, even from a distance? Can I call you again if I need it? As the commercials used to say, long distance is the next best thing to being there.
So, see, I'm showing my appreciation by writing to you right away, not waiting for you to write to me and just responding. Turns out entering your email address wasn't so hard after all.
I wanted to fill you in on what happened with the Alpha Flight guy. I was going to tell you last night on the phone, but then I got distracted. Not that I'm complaining or anything.
It sounds like they are very interested in the project. Northstar's going back to report to his leaders and then I think we're going to have a meeting with them. They want to talk to the professor some more. Maybe to you, too. He seemed to think their bosses would want to meet with X-Men leaders. He's suggesting it might be better if one of their team serves as a front for the land purchase. They believe it's going to be simpler, legally, if a Canadian citizen is the buyer. I think I'm a Canadian citizen (I'm not sure of much about my past), but generally when you're buying land they expect you to have some sort of id card or other credentials, I guess. Or at least a full name.
This Northstar guy - he asked 'Ro about you. Asked a lot - wanted to know how you are, what you're doing, if you and Jean are married yet. She seemed a little uncomfortable talking to him about you but she answered. Said that you weren't married yet and hadn't set a date - didn't say anything about the separation. He kind of turned to me in the middle of it all and apologized, saying it was probably boring for me to hear all of this but that you and him are old friends. I didn't think I should say anything about you - didn't know what you'd want me to say. I told you I'd keep your secrets and I will. I guess I need to know what they are, though. Am I one of your secrets? Who knows about you and me? Who can know? And what is this guy to you anyway? Why is he so interested in you?
You told me that you don't know how you'd feel if I had somebody else. I know how I'd feel if you did, Scott. Bad. Real bad. I don't have any claim on you, either. I don't have much to offer you, I know. I don't have any right to tell you not to, but I hate the idea of another man touching you. If that Northstar guy has been fucking you, I really don't know what I'll do to him. When you suck my cock, I want to think that nobody else gets that from you. When I fuck you I want to know that that's only for me. Those beautiful hands, that long hard dick, your strong arms and legs, your lovely ass - I want to feel like it all belongs to me. Just me. Selfish of me, I know. I have no right to ask you, but I am.
Logan
P.S. I told 'Ro I'd try her herbal shit. She was beside herself with joy and has been mixing unholy concoctions all morning. This is your fault.
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From: scott@mutant.org
To: Clawguy@hotmail.com
Subject: Sex - phone and real (among other things)
You did fine entering my address, Logan. Maybe you'll even graduate to subject lines sometime soon. In the meantime, I've provided one.
I'm glad the friendly voice helped. And the phone sex. Call me any time you need me, Logan. I mean it. I always want to talk to you.
You said that you don't have much of an imagination. That's probably okay. I think I have enough for the both of us. And, no, I have no sex-related mutant powers - you're thinking of Remy. Don't feel bad; people mix us up all the time. Must be the red eyes. Anyway, I have an easy way for you to tell us apart - I'm the guy you're fucking. Oh, and speaking of fucking, I'm glad that's what you wanted last night. I haven't quite figured out how to maintain the verisimilitude while talking my way through a blow job on the phone. I'll ponder this and get back to you.
I'm glad things look like they're going to work out with Alpha Flight. Charles told me he has been talking to the Hudsons (Jean-Paul's bosses). They have as much need for a remote center as we do, it seems. So, it looks like it is going to be a full-fledged joint project between us and them. I'm supposed to be going to Montreal next week to talk details. I guess that's the meeting you said they'd set up - I must be the designated X-Men leader. Will you be there, too? Or are you meeting with them separately? I hope the former - I need your knowledge of the sites for the negotiations. And it would just be so good to see you again.
Jean-Paul isn't anything to me, Logan. Just a guy I worked with on a couple of joint missions a few years back. I hadn't been with a man for a lot of years before you. There was never anything between me and Northstar. And you don't have to worry about me looking for some other guy. I haven't been able to take a breather from wanting you so much. It doesn't exactly leave room for me to think of another man touching me. It's you I keep thinking about. Pretty much all the time.
I want to suck you until I taste your hot cum, feel your hands on my cheeks and in my hair, hear you tell me that you like it. I want you to push your dick into my ass, again and again, long and slow, telling me you love to ride me like that. And then I want to feel how it changes, when the urgency takes over and you just can't go slow any more, when you can't help pushing hard and fast until you come deep inside me. I want to feel you lose control, to lose your mind with fucking me, to stop thinking about the claws and just let them come out like you did that time in my office. I want your hands on my dick, your mouth on my dick, your fingers in my ass. There have been a lot of men, Logan, but there's only one you.
But, Logan, I'm not making promises that I'll be yours alone, because I'm not. I love you, Logan. Truly I do. And I know you don't particularly want to hear that but I've laid off it for a while, giving you plenty of time to come up with those snappy comebacks we talked about. So, anyway, I love you. I've never felt about anyone like I feel about you. But it's no picnic being in love with a homicidal, suicidal mutant, you know. And unrequited at that. I wish you loved me back. I wish it so much. But I understand your limitations and I'm willing to take whatever you've got to give. And you have given me so much: the best sex I ever had; protection and friendship and caring; a model of courage and perseverance I only wish I could live up to. You've enriched my life.
"For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings that then I scorn to change my state with Kings"
That is how I feel, most of the time. But then sometimes I think that love remembered isn't good enough. Sometimes I think it would be nice to be with someone where I felt more like we had a future together.
Oh, and I do wish you would get over this habit you have of threatening to kill men who've had me. Or even, like Jean-Paul, men you imagine to have had me. It's really not a good idea. First of all, even if you just limited yourself to the real ones, there are too many of them if you want to have any time left to do anything else with your life. And, although I do understand that you mean this as a gesture of friendship and caring, it's not really one that speaks to me. All things being equal, I think I'd rather you sent me a card.
And, Logan, I hope I've been clear about this - Jean and I haven't totally broken up. We haven't been having sex lately, but that's her choice, not mine. Last time I asked she told me to come back when I've figured out what I want. I haven't figured that out. I haven't given up my dream of Jean and me - marriage and kids and love and respectability. Sometimes I'm really feeling disgraced in Fortune and men's eyes - wanting to just be a normal person and fit in in the world. But I think about you all the time.
I don't know what to do with those conflicting feelings. I want a woman presiding over my dinner table and a man in my bed. Fucked up, huh? But, anyway, you're the man I want in my bed, not Jean-Paul.
You asked who knows about us. I don't know, really. I haven't told anyone but Jean. Charles and I have discussed my relationship with you but I didn't tell him about it - he already knew. I didn't ask Jean to keep it a secret; I don't think it's a fair thing to ask. She needs to decide for herself what she wants to say about what's going on with her and me. So, she may have told some people - I don't know. And of course, anyone walking by my room (or my office) at particular times during your last visit here might have been able to figure out what's going on. I'm not asking you to keep us a secret, Logan. Use your own judgment. I won't say I'm totally comfortable with people knowing, but I'm tired of hiding out. And I'm certainly not going to ask you to lie for me.
Scott
P.S. So, if the herbs work will you tell me I get the credit?
*********************
From: clawguy@hotmail.com
To: Scott @mutant.org
Subject: Reply to: Sex - phone and real (among other things)
No, Scott, you haven't been clear that you're still thinking of getting back together with Jean. Or at least I didn't understand that. I know you talked about trying to figure out what's going on with your relationship with her. I thought you were talking about trying to manage being friends and working together now that you aren't lovers any more.
I can't believe you're still going on about this marriage shit. You're thirty years old, Scott - when are you going to stop trying to be a fucking Boy Scout? Whose approval are you looking for? The professor knows about you and he hasn't stopped loving you, has he? You think your team, your students couldn't handle it if they knew you like dick? I think they could. I guess I think better of them than you do.
Or are you looking for approval from society? Well, forget it. You're not going to get it. The world is full of people who hate you and fear you, hate us and fear us. They're not going to suddenly think you're okay if you marry Jean. Maybe you're living in a dream world from being at that school. I know the professor keeps holding onto this pipe dream of peace and safety for our kind, someday. Fine, if it makes you all feel better, but it ain't what the world's like now.
Take a look around you, Scott. You're living in a fucking fortress, for all that you geeks like to pretend it's some sort of prep school. Prep schools don't have Danger Rooms, Cyclops. Or electronically-controlled defenses, or a duty roster to make sure someone's checking five times a day that the perimeter is secure. Prep schools aren't full of hollow-eyed refugees and little kids who scream when anyone but Mommy goes near them and teenagers who've been living on the streets, whoring for food and shelter. Prep schools don't need outposts in fucking Saskatchewan to run off to if they can't handle a sustained siege.
It's society, polite human society, that you're all defending yourselves against, that did that to the mutants you're trying to save. And those are the people - that's the society - you want approval from? Well, you're never going to get it, Scott. And if you were half the man I thought you were, you wouldn't even want it. I was willing to be your dirty little secret - I didn't like it but I was okay with going along with it. But that was because I thought you needed time to get comfortable with the changes in your life. I didn't know you were hiding me so you can be "respectable". Well, I like Jeannie, and for her sake I hope she has the sense to turn you down. Because if she marries you it's not going to be for real. You're going to be sneaking off on her to suck some guy's dick before the honeymoon's over. Damned if it's going to be mine, though. I take back what I said about not wanting some other guy touching you, fucking you. Go ahead, Scott. It doesn't matter - Iwas thinking what we had was a lot more special than it is.
Just what is your love worth, Scott? You can talk love and recite poetry all you want, but it doesn't mean a whole hell of a lot when you care more about your fucking respectability than you do about me. Fortune and men's eyes be damned. I may not have that much to give you, but I've given you all I've got. I've opened up to you more, told you more, cared about you more than I have for anybody else. Well, anybody else at least since Weapon X got hold of me and turned me into this.
Scott, I'm so pissed at you I don't even know what to do about this. Violence is my usual way of dealing with anger, and I don't want to hurt you. You're the best friend - and the hottest lover - I ever had. And you've done so much for me - got me over the amnesia, helped me with the nightmares. Talked me into this project and it *has* saved my life, at least for now. So, we're even - okay? You saved my life again. You can walk away from me with a clear conscience. And maybe you'd better do just that because I'm too mad at you right now to be responsible for my actions if you don't.
Logan
P. S. Call me and we can talk about Montreal. Under the circumstances, maybe it's better if 'Ro goes instead of me.
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