Because You Loved Me
Chapter 3: The Wrong That You Made Right
by
QMan
"But sometimes that love was harsh." Bobby said, "But I can see where he acted that way to get the point across."
"What do you mean, Bobby?" Kurt asked.
Bobby explained.
Bobby Drake, the Ice Man, had rage in his heart. It was something he wasn't used to. Fear he'd dealt with on a daily basis; both his own and the mass populace's. He'd even felt and combated hatred in his life, but never had he experienced such rage.
The worst part was who that rage was directed at and the reason for it. If it was an enemy there would be no problem. An enemy Bobby could deal with. Patches of ice while they were walking, ice storms from nowhere, even encasing them within a block of ice could be done. All avenues of irritating an enemy would soothe his soul. But he did not feel rage at an enemy, he felt this burning rage for an ally, Emma Frost the White Queen.
The reason he felt this consuming rage was simple. She had violated him. Emma Frost had taken over Bobby Drake's mind. She had used his body to further her own agenda while her body lay uselessly comatose with Bobby's mind within it.
When Emma had finally left Bobby's mind and he had been restored to his body it was a stranger's. There was nothing familiar about his body or his powers, Emma had changed it that much. The only thing he had in this world was his body and now it was alien to him.
It used to be that when he "iced-up," that is turned into his ice form, he was simply sheathed in ice. This gave him armor and made him impervious to most attacks. Now, after Emma's possession, when he "iced-up" he became ice all the way through, organs, blood and all. That was the most dramatic change. Other smaller ones were that he could sense moisture around him to a fuller degree and much farther out even when not trying, a faster manipulation rate of molecules which made freezing water much easier, and the scariest of all was his new ability to change forms completely. He could go from ice to water to vapor and back to solid form with little effort and a lot of concentration. It would have been a bigger development than what he was attributing, but he hadn't explored it's possibilities because it's implications frightened him.
He was also too preoccupied with his thoughts to pay enough attention to what he was doing. He ran into a Danger Room wall and slid down the surface. The program that had been running disappeared as his teammates gathered around him.
"Bobby you seem to have collided with our sophisticated wall." Hank said as the blue-furred doctor hoisted him to his feet, "I would suggest that playing chicken with an immovable object be foregone for a more suitable pastime."
"I'm fine." Bobby said still in ice form, "I was just a little distracted."
"You been dat way an awful lot lately, mon ami." Gambit said.
"I've just had a lot on my mind lately."
"Yeah, well ya better clear yer mind." Logan said from the doorway. He'd been watching the events from the control room, "'Fore ya get yerself or one of us killed."
"Just what I need." Bobby quipped as he reverted to human form, "Logan telling me how to stay focused."
No one thought the comment was anywhere near witty, especially Logan. He growled as he stepped into the room, a familiar "snikt" resounding along the walls as both sets of claws were released.
"Ya wanna find out how focused I can be?" He said, "You an' me, Drake. Right here, right now."
Bobby saw the murderous glint in his eyes, the danger it foretold. That should have tipped him off, made him back down. But he was still pissed at himself for running into the wall. His mind still boiled with thoughts of Emma's violation of him.
"You got it old man." Bobby said, "Just try not to focus too much on the beserker rage, okay?"
"Robert, I do not think this is a good idea." Storm said with concern.
"Nah, I can handle myself." Bobby flippantly replied, "It's Wolverine you should talk to."
"Everybody out." Logan said without taking his eyes from Bobby, "This is between us now."
Bobby watched as his teammates left the Danger Room, apprehension marring their features. He smirked. They all thought he was going to get his ass handed to him. They were judging him by his old self, not his new and "improved" self. No one was aware of all the changes he'd gone through; no one knew what he was capable of, not even himself. One thing he was sure of though, Logan was in for a surprise.
That first surprise happened when the door had closed. Logan coiled and tried to jump. His flight failed though, because Bobby had un-obtrusively encased his feet in ice, covering the feet up to Logan's ankles within one solid block. And he did it while in human form.
Logan fell forward and let out a grunt as his ankles popped. He stood up painfully to see Bobby smiling at him, still in human form.
"Come on, Logan, let's stop this farce." Bobby gloated, "I can do this all day. I can keep the ice moving up, encasing you in ice but not letting the cold touch you. Compliments of the White Queen." When he said her name, his voice got bitter and his rage was renewed.
Logan wiggled his legs, trying to alleviate the pressure on his disjointed ankles. At least that's what Bobby thought, anyway. He was so surprised when Logan leapt right out of his boots to project himself at Bobby that he had no time to retaliate. Logan's claws retracted at the last second and he collided with Bobby. The two men fell onto the floor, Logan on top. The unruly Canadian clipped Bobby across the jaw. The adamantium laced fist was as a club and sent the younger man into oblivion.
When Bobby came to, he was still on the Danger Room floor. Logan was sitting cross legged nearby. When Bobby rolled over to push himself up Logan spoke.
"Ya know ya don't have ta live with rage."
"Like you would know." Bobby said bitterly.
"Trust me Drake, it ain't no picnic. I gotta fight my bestial nature all the time. An' I gotta keep the rage I feel at the world in check. Fer me life ain't about livin' most of the time, it's about not losin' control."
"Then how do I not become you?"
"Don't let it consume ya." Logan stated, "I ain't gonna say that what yer feelin' ain't real or ain't called fer. There's a reason ya feel the way ya do, an' it's probably a good reason. All I'm sayin' is that once ya fall inta that pit of rage it's hard ta come out. I've been fightin' fer years, an' I ain't made any headway."
"So what's the point of fighting it then?" Bobby asked as he sat up, "If you don't get anywhere?"
"'Cause if ya don't ya end up like Creed." Logan explained, "He gave in ta his rage a long time ago. He's never fought it either. Don't know if'n he even knows how ta. That's why I fight it." He stood up and regarded Bobby, "I have a hard time 'cause I'm fightin' two battles in my mind all the time. One against the beast an' one against the rage. Ya only have ta fight the rage."
"How do you fight that feeling, though?" Ice Man asked, "Especially when I feel like I should be feeling this way?"
"That ain't easy. I'd say confront whoever or whatever made ya so mad. Have it out without killin' 'em. Ya kill 'em an' yer doomed with yer rage forever. After that, try talkin' ta Chuck or Jeannie. They may not understand, but they'll help." Logan turned to leave.
Bobby stood and called out, "Is that what you would have done?"
"I wish I had the choice back then." Logan said in the doorway. Without looking at Bobby he went on, "But I didn't. Ya have that choice, Drake. Don't be like me an' waste yer life either fightin' yer past or succumbin' ta it. No one should live like that."
Logan walked out of the Danger Room as the doors closed behind him. Bobby sat down on the floor and thought about what they had just talked about. He wasn't going to be like Logan, and he sure as hell would not turn out like Sabertooth.
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