Because You Loved Me
Chapter 4: You're The One Who Helped Me Up
by
QMan
"So that's the reason you calmed down and were able to confront me about that." Emma said.
"Yes." Bobby replied, "If Logan hadn't given me that advice I probably would have done something stupid. Left alone, I would have tried to kill you, and in the process killed myself inside."
"Well I for one am happy to hear that that did not occur." Hank said from the doorway of the Med Lab, "If the Bobby Drake we know and love was dead, I do not think I could bear it."
"How are the girls?" Ororo asked.
"Doing quite well, considering the circumstances." Hank said, "I thought it prudent to let them alone for now with their grief." He sat into a chair and said, "They have each other to grieve with, after all grief shared is grief halved." He put his head in his hands and then related his own tale to the group.
Hank was miserable. After working so long and so hard on the cure for the Legacy virus he'd finally found it, only to discover to his chagrin that the only way to implement it was the sacrifice of a life. The cure had to be introduced into a person's blood stream. Then the person would die and release the cure into the world. To Hank's dismay, his friend and teammate, Piotr Rasputin, also known as Colossus, had done just that. By sacrificing himself, Piotr saved the world from a terrible plague.
Now whenever Hank thought of Colossus, or saw something that reminded him of Piotr he was filled with grief. Mention of the Legacy virus and it's victims or even those saved from it's clutches brought to mind the cure. The cure led to Piotr's death and Hank blamed himself.
On one sleepless night Hank decided to dull his thoughts. Alcohol was perfect for that exact purpose. Not finding any in the house he grabbed his car keys and an image inducer and headed for Harry's Bar. Sitting at the bar he ordered a glass of beer and drank down half of it before the taste could register. When it did he grimaced, remembering why he didn't drink often; the taste of alcohol was enough to deter him from partaking in it. Well, he wasn't here for the taste and definitely not for the company of the bar's patrons. He was here to dull his conscience with fermentation. He finished the beer with another long pull and ordered another.
As the bartender set his replacement brew in front of him, a familiar voice said from behind him, "Yer the last person I'd expect in here."
In an uncharacteristic show, Hank kept his back to Logan and his voice bleak. "Go away Logan." He dismissed the smaller man from his mind and took another long drink from his mug.
Logan ignored the dismissal and sat on the stool next to Hank, "If'n yer tryin' ta drown yer sorrows, whiskey's better than beer."
Hank finished his beer then considered Logan. The man in question wasn't looking at him, instead flagging down the bartender and ordering a bottle of whiskey and two shot glasses. The bartender produced them and filled both glasses with the amber liquid, then left to take care of other patrons.
Lifting one glass for himself and offering the other to Hank Logan said, "Here's ta the loss of loved ones an' the pain it causes."
"And the guilt for being at fault in their death." Hank added as he took the shot glass. Logan nodded solemnly and they both tipped back their heads and swallowed down the burning liquid.
Hank grimaced and reached for the bottle and filled his shot glass. Without ceremony or preamble he slugged down the liquor. Logan watched him with a serious expression on his face.
"Ya don't hafta blame yerself."
"You're a fine one to speak of such things." Hank said, angrily thumping the glass on the bar. "Every person you've loved has died and you always blame yourself."
"I know."
"So don't you dare advise me on self-imposed guilt." Hank refilled his shot glass, drained it and glared at Logan, "Not when you wallow in self remorse all your days."
"It's true, I do blame myself." Logan answered, "But that's 'cause I don't know better. Yer a hell of a lot smarter'n me, Hank. Ya should know that what Petey did, he did on his own; ya had nothin' ta do with it."
"I made the instrument of his destruction."
"An' he chose ta use it. Ya didn't force him or even ask him. In fact, ya warned him against it. He chose ta go out that way, hopin' his death could mean somethin'. Don't cheapen it by makin' it yer fault."
"But if the cure hadn't been there, he would still be alive."
"I know that. Petey wasn't suicidal. He wanted ta cure the world of the Legacy virus as much as ya did. So he did what he could. Now let his memory be a good one, an' give yerself a rest."
With that Logan left Hank alone. Absently the brilliant doctor brought the shot glass to his lips without drinking while he pondered Logan's words. Noticing the whiskey so close to his mouth he shook his head in disgust and put the glass down with disdain. Dropping several twenties on the bar, Hank left.
***
"Hank I never knew." Cecilia said from her chair by Hank, "Why did you blame yourself?"
"Because it was convenient." Hank replied, "But Logan made me see that it was a situation that Piotr chose. So I've come to grips with it." He stood up, "Now, I need to shower before going back in the Med Lab. If you would excuse me?" With that Hank left.
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