Disclaimer: Lena, Caleb, Annie, assorted bar patrons and fastfood clerks are the products of my fevered imagination. Everyone else in the story is property of Marvel. Uncredited song lyrics are from the Golden Palominos.
He found her on the way to the War Room. She was talking with Kurt.
"Lena, I just checked it 5 minutes ago. It's completely sealed and locked down." Kurt said.
"Please, just check one more time. I want to be sure."
"Fine but you now officially owe me two beers, not just one. I wish you would at least tell me what this is all about."
"You'll find out soon enough."
Kurt vanished in a cloud of smoke.
"Hey there Lanie, what're you and the Elf up to anyway?"
"You'll see, showtime's in," she looked at her watch, "four and a half minutes."
"In the Security Meeting?"
"Yep."
He wondered if this had anything to do with last night's Danger Room workout. She still seemed angry and pensive. But this didn't look like a good time to talk. Whatever she and Kurt were cooking up was taking too much of her attention.
"Right, well I'll see ya in the meeting then."
"Yep."
He walked into the Danger Room to find Scott, Henry, Forge and Kurt already seated around the conference table. Lena followed behind him.
Once everyone was seated, Scott began, "Okay, let's get down to business. Forge how are the upgrades to the perimeter alarms going?
Before Forge could answer, the lights flickered and alarm bells started ringing furiously. The Institute was under attack. Instantly, the team sprang into action. Henry, Forge and Scott flew to the system consoles and began assessing the situation. Logan ran for the door. It was locked.
"We're locked in." Just as Logan was about to force the door, he noticed that both Kurt and Lena were still seated. I guess the show's started, he thought to himself.
"We've got intruders in the tunnels, people, I want teams down there now." Scott hollered out.
"Wait Scott." Hank called out not looking up from the monitor. "I'm seeing malfunctions all over the place. I don't think we can trust any of these readings."
"Hank's right," Forge added, "I'm not getting accurate readings on anything here either. Something's gotten into our system."
The power failed at that moment. When it flickered on again, the alarms stayed off.
"All right, what the hell is going on here? Forge, I want to know what that something is. Don't stop until you can tell me what we're up against."
Whump! The large binder Lena had carried into the meeting landed in the middle of the conference table. Everyone looked up.
"That won't be necessary, Scott. I'm the something. You're up against me." Lena didn't look up as she spoke. She stood by the conference table with her arms crossed in front of her chest.
"What?"
"You challenged me. You said that if I could prove beyond the shadow of a doubt that there were security problems, you'd let me fix them. So I did."
"Couple of notes," she continued on as the printers started spewing out paper, " I didn't use my powers to cheat; I didn't get any outside help; and I didn't get any inside help. The printers are printing every file I got access to when I made my run. Those files include student rosters, building schematics and medical records. I gotta tell ya, it scares the hell out of me. Now I have to admit, there are probably only four people in the world who could bust the system like I did. That's still four too many. Bottom line, gentlemen, we must do better." As she spoke all of the monitors came up with a view of the Danger Room where her last words, 'we must do better,' were being carved into a cinderblock wall by machinegun fire.
Scott was furious. He stomped over to her and roughly grabbed her shoulders. "What do you think this is, Lena, some kind of game? Did you think you were being clever? Did it ever occur to you that someone could have been hurt in your little demo?"
"Get Your Hands Off Of Me!" As she spoke, sparks shot out of her arms and Scott pulled his hands away shaking them. Everyone heard the crack of the shock and now the smell of ozone drifted in the room. "Did I ever consider if anyone might get hurt? You self-righteous son-of-a-bitch. That's been my whole fucking point from the beginning. What if it hadn't been me, Scott? What if it had been someone who wanted to hurt us? Why don't you think about that?"
Lena struggled to regain her composure. "My notes are in the binder, gentlemen. I suggest you take a good look at them. We'll talk about them later." She turned sharply on her heel and stalked out of the room.
"Girl's gotta lotta fire, that's for sure." Logan grinned at the collected group before following after Lena. So that's what she'd been up to for the past few weeks. Maybe that had been what was bugging her, and maybe she'd relax and feel up to talking, now that she'd gotten her own back with Scott. He caught up with her on the steps of the front entrance.
"Whohoo darlin', that was magnif" As he was speaking, she threw a ballpoint pen at his head. He barely had time to knock it away.
"Don't start with that yer beautiful when yer angry crap. I'm in no mood."
"Hey, hey now," he held up his hands, "I'm on yer side, remember."
"Yeah, but Scotty's not and now that I went and lost my temper, he's never gonna be." She turned away from him, her head bent down, her arms crossed stiffly in front of her chest. "I really messed up this time."
"No ya didn't, Lena. Scotty'll be sore at'cha for a while but he'll come round. Mark my words. There isn't anyone who cares more about the safety of the people here. You proved that there's a danger and he won't ignore it."
She nodded once but didn't speak.
"Ya know Lane, you been lookin' awful down in the mouth lately. You should take a break and get out for a while. You need a change o' scenery."
"Chief's transmission is blown. I haven't gotten around to fixin' it yet. So I'm pretty much stuck here."
"Not anymore. You wait right here." He headed down the steps towards the garage. As he passed by two steps below her, he spoke again, looking up into her eyes. "By the way, Lena, if I think yer beautiful when you're angry, it's probably just because I happen to think yer beautiful whatever mood you're in." He winked and continued on his way. 'Course when ya blush, darlin', he thought to himself, then yer just about downright irresistible.
"Lena?" Scott poked his head out of the doorway.
"Yeah Scott, I'm here."
He walked out onto the steps. "Listen, I uh I'm sorry. I don't usually lose my temper like that. I was just so shocked. I had no idea the problem was that bad."
"Look Scott, it's not really that bad. Like I said very few people could have done what I did. I probably went overboard on the demo. I just wanted you to understand the danger."
"Well the demo certainly made that clear enough. So how do we fix it?"
"Why don't we get the security team together the same time tomorrow and I'll show you what I'd like to do?"
"I'll set it up."
"Great."
As Scott was leaving, Logan roared up on his bike. He tossed Lena her jacket and took her helmet off of the back of the seat.
"Oh Logan, I don't know if we should do this"
He held up his hand to silence her. "Lena, you don't have to talk about anything ya don't want to talk about. I promised you, remember? But we're still friends, right?"
"Yeah."
"Good. See, my friend Lena just scored major points on old one-eye and I feel like celebrating with her. She needs to get out anyway. What do you say, Lena?"
"Well, I guess I could use a break." She smiled hesitantly. The butterflies in her stomach stopped jittering over her confrontation with Scott and shifted into jittering about spending time alone with Logan. Just her luck that the butterflies in her stomach had a better transmission than her motorcycle. But she could do this. She had to do this. If she thought it hard enough, she might even believe it.
As she was putting her jacket on, he asked her, "Was that Scotty I saw ya talkin' with?"
"Yep and before you say anything I want you to know that I'm in a good mood for the first time in a long time and if you say 'I told you so' it's gonna ruin the moment for me."
"I'll save it for later then. C'mon Lena, yer chariot awaits."
She put on her helmet and climbed on behind him. "Were are we going anyway?"
"We'll know when we get there. Hang on tight now."
She wrapped her arms around his waist and laced her fingers together. It felt very nice. His waist was nearly as solid as the bike itself.
Logan gunned the engine and sped off of the school grounds.
He got off of the highway as soon as possible, heading for the smaller, twisting backroads that Lena liked to use when she drove. On the first, twisting curve, Lena automatically shifted her hips into the turn. Logan allowed himself to enjoy the sensation, glad that she wasn't touching his skin at the moment.
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"Okay, what's for dessert?" Lena balled up the paper that had held her sandwich and threw it into the empty bag.
"I picked up some apples." He tossed one to her underhanded. She caught it without looking up.
He sat back down beside her at the base of the tree. They both sat on their jackets with their backs against the trunk and their faces pointed towards the lake. This late into the fall the park was nearly deserted. Logan knew it would be. He polished his own apple against his sleeve before taking a bite.
Juice ran from the apple ran down the side of her chin with her first bite. She giggled and wiped her mouth, enjoying the sweetness of the fruit. "Man, this is good. I love apples when they're in season. I love the season, come to think of it. Especially when I'm lucky enough to be in the Northeast. This is what fall is all about." She held up her hands to frame her view like a picture. "The sky is clear and a color of blue that only happens this time of year. The trees are all crimson and gold and orange. The air smells like smoke and feels like steel. And the apples taste like heaven." She sighed and let her head fall back against the tree.
He couldn't stop smiling at her.
"What?"
"Nothin' yer just good is all."
"You say that a lot."
"I mean it. You're one of the good ones, Lena. It's good to see you smile again. I'm glad ya came out here with me."
"Yeah, I needed this. Thank you, Logan. I'm glad you think I'm good. That means a lot to me." Now they sat staring at each other, grins on their faces. Lena was the first to break eye contact.
Her expression turned pensive as she searched her head for the right way to proceed. "I don't know how to talk about this."
"You don't have to talk about anything if you don't want to. If you do want to, well just take your time. I'm not going anywhere."
She wanted to kiss him. She wanted to feel his arms around her. There was no way to get from where she was and into those arms without telling him the truth. She took a deep breath, "So this thing that I found out about myself, that I'm having trouble dealing with, it kind of explains why I've been acting interested in you but pushing you away. I'm just afraid, when you find out, you might be the one who pushes me away."
He was quiet a moment and then, very softly, said, "Lena, I'm wracking my brain here to come up with somethin' that would make me want to push you away and I have to tell ya. I'm hard pressed to find a thing."
"I found out I'm a real girl, Logan."
"I don't think I'm quite sure what you mean, darlin'. I already know you're a real girl."
"Yeah, but I didn't. And actually, before the surgery, I wasn't. You see they put us all through a procedure in the Program. They well they called it Operation Saltpeter. You're an old military man, you can guess what that meant."
He suddenly felt as if the ground had given way underneath him. His stomach turned slowly to lead as the synapses in his brain processed the information. Suddenly all of the pieces fell into place. The strange signals when she had first come to the mansion; the way she had always said she couldn't have a relationship not that she didn't want one. This was what Kovacs had taken away, the thing she'd never have. "My God, Lena, what did they do to you?"
"Part of what the network did was suppress my production of sex hormones. I also thought I was physically neutered as well. I should have been. They did it to every other Tech. I think Kovacs stopped them. I think he had other plans for me. I didn't know any of this until a few weeks ago." She hugged her arms together and bent her head down.
"So you thought that you couldn't"
"Up until a few weeks ago, I though I was lucky just to be built like a girl. I was one of the older techs so they kind of caught me halfway through puberty. I guess it was kind of lucky and kind of unlucky. I mean, what's the point of being built like a real girl when you can't I mean it's just false advertising." Her voice cracked and she looked at him, mentally willing him to say something, anything.
He should have responded to her by now, he should have said something. But, in order to respond to her, he would have had to know what to say. He would have had to know what to say and he would have had to find a way to get it out past the hard lump of pain and sick and anger that constricted his throat. How could they? Why did they? How could he make sure that this Kovacs bastard was dead? Could he find the body and kill him again? He looked into her eyes and they went straight down into her. She wasn't hiding anything anymore. He suddenly knew that she didn't care at all what he felt about what had been done to her or how he felt about Kovacs. What she cared desperately about was how he felt about her.
He reached out and gently pulled her towards him, wrapping her up in his arms. "Lena, I love you. I'm not ever gonna stop. I don't work that way."
"But, Logan, I don't even know the first thing about any of this. Do you understand that?"
He took one of her hands and brought it to his lips. "It's not rocket science, darlin'. We'll get through this, I swear. We're just gonna take it real slow."
Her expression showed that she was less than convinced. So he settled her back a bit and took her hand back into his own. He kept his eyes on hers while he traced the finger of his free hand up and down the inside of her wrist. She looked away from him, her cheeks coloring.
"Nah, Lena. You gotta keep lookin' at me." He continued stroking her wrist as she brought her wonder filled eyes back to his gaze. "So how's that feel, darlin'?"
"Hmff," a soft high-pitched sigh escaped from her mouth as she tried to speak. "Uh, real good, Logan."
He smiled softly as he closed his eyes and concentrated on the contours and textures of her wrist and palm. Her pulse quickened just underneath her skin. "Good. See, that's all there is to it really. It's just two people makin' each other feel good."
She shook her head sadly, "No, that's you making me feel good. I'm not doing anything. And I don't know how to do anything. I can't make you feel good. Lord god above I can't even figure out how to make myself feel good!" It was out of her mouth before she realized she was going to say it. The minute it came out, Logan's ears pricked up and his eyes widened in surprise. She blushed crimson and hid her face in shame. "I can't believe I just said that out loud."
He pulled her towards him again. "Hush, darlin'. It's okay." She sighed and tucked further into herself. "Lena, do you love me?"
"Yes."
"And not just as a friend, right?"
"Yes."
"That likely to change any time soon?"
"No."
"Well see there, Lena; you just made me feel real damn good." She uncurled enough to look into his eyes and he smiled at her gently. "Okay, I'm gonna say this one more time 'cause I don't think you heard it the first time. Lena, I love you." He kissed her forehead. "I'm not ever gonna stop." His mouth moved slowly to her cheek and planted another soft kiss. "I don't work that way." The third kiss went to her other cheek. Then his smile faded slightly as he eyed her like a deer that might run. He cautioned, "don't close your eyes." Never taking his eyes away from her, he snaked a hand behind her head and pulled her mouth up to his. It did not begin as a kiss. Their lips just barely touched. She could feel the heat of his mouth warming her own. Very slowly, very softly, he brought his lips down on hers. She could smell apples and tobacco and feel the soft press of his lips. Her eyes widened a bit in apprehension. He pulled his face back slightly so that he could speak, "Relax."
But if she relaxed she was going to fall straight into those dark brown eyes. She had to remind herself that that was exactly what she was supposed to be doing. So she let herself fall and the pressure became a kiss. The kiss deepened. He parted her lips with his own and she felt his tongue slide across hers. It was as if a circuit had been completed; a rush of warm energy flowed through her. For the first time, she didn't fight it. She wanted it, wanted his hands, his body, his mouth. She wanted the whole of her body to be in his mouth, to feel the soft, warm, frictionless slide of his tongue everywhere. Between her legs bright, tingling warmth throbbed and intensified. She grabbed at him and pulled herself up to straddle one of his thighs. She gave herself over to the sensation, rubbing up against him and sucking greedy kisses from his mouth. It was overwhelming, she was dizzy but she liked it. It felt right. It felt good.
He watched everything through her open eyes. They widened and then the focus softened as she allowed herself to enjoy the sensation. Then the blood rush hit him like an iron bolt slamming home somewhere deep in his groin. Suddenly, every move she made echoed up the shaft of his growing erection. His eyes widened for a second as he tried to find his breath and then narrowed as he grabbed her hips and crushed her against his body over and over again. Something primal pushed the thoughts out of his head leaving only the image of her under him, those big, gray eyes watching while he took her. And he wanted to take her. After all of these months now of waiting, he wanted to mark her. He wanted to burn himself into her and leave no question about what she was. She was his. A growl rolled up from his diaphragm and vibrated through his chest and throat. He twined his fingers in her hair and pulled her head back, exposing her neck. "Don't move." His fangs locked onto the side of her throat and he used the hold to push her down onto her back. Her pulse hammered against his tongue as he grabbed at the waist of her jeans. Then he smelled the fear coming off of her in waves and something deep inside of him pushed back against the beast and reasserted control. With absolute concentration, he stiffly pulled his teeth away from her throat, thankful that he had not drawn blood, and pushed himself off of her. Then he pulled her up, into his arms and held her. "So sorry, Lena I didn't mean. I forgot what"
"It's okay, Logan." But it wasn't okay. Somehow, some way, she had gotten something wrong. Wrong enough that he had growled and stopped her. And she had gotten afraid and he had stopped completely. Wrong, wrong, wrong, she couldn't even kiss a man without messing it up. Her heart sunk inside of her and she barely registered what he said. They were going to slow down and go at her pace. He didn't want to rush her. He wanted her to be ready and if that took some time, then so be it. He would wait for her. And she tried to believe that what he was saying was the truth. He wouldn't lie. But, her mind would not let go of the image of him pushing her away.
On the way home, he banked into a curve and she didn't move her hips into it as before. She held onto him lightly as if she were afraid of his touch. And why shouldn't she be, he cursed himself, she'd nearly been raped by the man who had promised repeatedly that he would never hurt her. He couldn't erase what had happened but he promised himself that it would not happen again. No matter what happened, he would not allow his control to slip again.
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She didn't think about it, really. They were an item now. He spent a lot of his free time with her and he genuinely seemed to enjoy her company. It was almost like old times. Except for the kissing. Maybe she thought about that. Maybe she worried a little bit about that. She liked kissing him. His lips were full and soft and sweet and when she got that close to him, she could smell him and she liked the way he smelled, a combination of leather, tobacco, exhaust and salt. And he generally held her when he kissed her, which was a big bonus in her opinion. She liked to feel his arms around her. He was just so solid and warm; it made her feel protected and safe.
No, the kissing was definitely good. It was just thatwellit never became anything else, not since that day at the lake. She must have really messed up whatever it was that she had messed up because every time she thought he was going to let her have another crack at it, he would stiffen up and pull her away. It was getting to be maddening; how was she supposed to improve if he wouldn't even let her try? She'd asked him what she had done wrong in the first place but he insisted that she hadn't done anything wrong. She appreciated that it was chivalrous of him to take the blame but it didn't help her fix the problem. Still, Logan knew a lot more about this stuff than she did and if he said everything was fine, well, who was she to argue? She really wasn't thinking about it much.
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He was going insane. Not on the outside, not where anyone could see but still, he was definitely headed over the deep end. Every day he fought with his demons. Every time he closed his eyes, he was treated to Lenavision in full-surround sound, hell, in complete sensorama. Why waste such beautiful extras as the salty tang of her skin or the spicy funk of her arousal? Wouldn't want to forget that her skin was utterly smooth and yielding to his hands or that her hair was the softest he had ever touched. Wouldn't do to let him forget for one goddamned minute how much he wanted her. The longing had set up a permanent home in his groin and his job, for most of the day, was ignoring it. This was what decades of training in eastern mental discipline were going to.
And it wasn't even working. She was still nervous and pensive around him. Hell, for all he knew she could be sensing what was going on through his skin. He wasn't exactly sure how her power worked. It could be that every time she touched him, she saw the Lenavision show, starring her in all sorts of compromising positions doing things that an inexperienced person might see as degrading. But he wasn't acting on it; that had to count for something, right? He was a complete gentleman around her. He always stopped himself before things got out of hand. That would count for something; it had to, and soon. Friendly hugs and chaste kisses (no tongue) were not going to cut it for much longer. He couldn't concentrate; he couldn't sleep and he was definitely starting to walk funny.
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