Alpha Male Chapter Seventeen - Sacrifice by LoganLuvr
Logan was exhausted. He lay on the floor in the darkness, next to Ari, one leg over hers, his nose snuggled into her neck. She wanted to let him sleep for a while, but she was also desperate to wake him up. She sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction. She had seen wolves mate many times, but never in her wildest dreams would she have ever believed that she would get the opportunity to feel it. She still couldn't believe it had happened.... but it had. She sighed again, this time it was a sigh of remorse. She knew the ramifications... the possible consequences of what she had just let happen. Shit, shit, SHIT! She was furious with herself for being so weak. Obviously her animal side was much more... shall we say... uncontrollable... than her shy human side. She rolled her eyes, poor Logan had no idea what he was doing... it was her fault... she had known exactly what she was doing... and she had chosen to do it anyway.
Ari poked her nose gently into Logan's side. " Logan?" He breathed in sharply and looked up at her... blinking. " Wha...? " Ari smiled. " Logan, it's time to go," she said softly. He groaned and rolled over onto his back, being none too modest about it, too. " You sure we just can't stay here? C'mon... I could make it worth your while," he teased wickedly, growling softly. " Mmm, I'm sure you could, " she said, licking her muzzle and looking away. She wasn't about to let him get to her this time, they had to get back. " Logan... you promised..."
" I know, Dammit. I'm just not lookin' forward to going back through there... it nearly killed me the first time." he said, sitting up. " What do you mean it nearly killed you?" she asked, concerned. Logan sighed. " Ari, there's a lot of things you don't know about me. My life has been... well, let's just say it's sucked. I only remember the last sixteen years or so, and that's bad enough. When I came through there every shitty thing that's happened, .... every shitty thing I've done hit me like a ton o' bricks. I saw things, things that had happened, the way I treated people... and it hurt, it was like it was hurting me back. "
Ari nuzzled her face against his. " I'm sorry you've had a hard time, Logan..." she looked into his eyes, "... but the things in your mind, your memories, they can't hurt you if you don't let them." He looked skeptical. " Logan you let those things hurt you... you almost let them destroy you... instead of forgiving yourself and learning from your mistakes. We'll go back through, I will be with you... I will help you, you'll see. "
" Ari, " Logan asked softly, swallowing. " how are you a wolf... how did we...?"
She stood up , " I'll teach you that, too. Come on, I know right where to go." Logan groaned and got to his feet. He looked at her, puzzled, cocking his head to one side... " Am I getting better?... How come my stomach doesn't hurt as bad now? "
She walked on ahead of him, " I hope you're getting better... we gave you some of my blood. We weren't sure if it would do any good... or maybe your healing mutation is finally kicking in."
Logan gasped. He had more questions every time she answered one. " How do you know about that... and what the Hell would it help to give me your blood?"
Ari explained all that had happened as they walked along. They were comfortable and free with each other... intimate. It felt so natural. "... and so we decided to give you some of MY blood in hopes that my immunity would help you fight the virus." " Shit! " Logan couldn't grasp everything that she was telling him all at once. He never expected to find anyone remotely like himself. He turned and looked at her while they walked, wanting to remember everything about how she looked, how she smelled, how she walked...
how it had felt to be inside her. Mmmm.... A chill raced through his body... he wanted to remember everything about this. She sensed his thoughts and looked over at him, a chill tingling through her body, too. They moved nearer and walked just slightly touching, not wanting to be apart.
They were nearing the red and yellow floating clouds. Logan's body tensed, and he slowed. He'd been in there before... " Logan, this is the animal part of your mind." Ari said softly. He looked up at her, shocked. " You were in there?" he asked incredulously. She looked over, surprised, and nodded. " Yes."
They walked quietly into the red and yellow clouds. Logan looked around. Nothing was happening, the demons of his mind had vanished... for now, he thought.
" I love the way you smell ... in there... and in this body. When I was here before... I didn't want to leave. It's my favorite part of you." Logan looked at her in disbelief. " What're you nuts? This is my worst nightmare... the worst part of me... the part I fight to control every God-damn day ! " She nodded, understanding. " Logan, I used to fight this part of me, too... not nearly like what you're describing, but now that I understand that half of me IS animal, I know that I'm free now. If I want to act like an animal, I'm going to. "
Logan looked over at her quietly. " Ari, ... Do you ever want to do things that are... evil? " he looked away. "... sometimes I get so mad, ... I just want to... and sometimes I do." He looked back, his tortured eyes searching hers for some kind of understanding. Ari nodded slowly. " It's easier for me, Logan, because I've studied animals all of my life, and I understand a lot about how they think." she sighed, and went on. " A lot of the time, something that you may see as "evil" would be completely natural to an animal... not evil at all." He looked at her, confused, so she explained further." Logan, have you ever seen a cat play with a mouse? " He nodded. " Wolves do that too, in fact most predators do, at times. It's something that really bothers humans, even true animal lovers have a hard time with it, most just tend to pretend that it doesn't happen... but it does." She looked at him, " Why do you think an animal would do that, Logan?... Torture an animal smaller than themselves, injuring it over and over... sometimes when they aren't even hungry?" He shook his head and swallowed... his mouth was dry... she was hitting way too close to home. " There are several reasons, one is that they are practicing. They are predators. Every day of their life revolves around finding food to stay alive for one more day. They have to be on top of their hunting skills at all times. If you do not eat, you will not live... It's that simple. Another reason is that they have to be fast and they have to be sharp. Every predator can also, easily become the victim. He has to be on guard constantly ... or he will be the one to die,... Does this make sense to you, Logan?"
" Yes." He said softly. " Thank you." He thought quietly for a while. " I wish I knew everything you know. It would be so much easier... I bet you've never... given into it... into this," he said motioning up to the swirling clouds. Ari sighed, a deep, sad sigh of regret. " Logan," she said softly," remember when I told you my father was killed... shot... when I was 21? " He looked over and nodded, unsure where she was headed. She swallowed. " I've never... never told anyone this. " She paused. " In the spring when they found the bodies... I went every day, sometimes all night, too, tracking, sniffing,... finding small clues here and there. Eventually, I narrowed the killers down to two men." She licked her muzzle. " I took them out ... one at a time... into the forest." She took a deep breath. Logan stopped walking and sat down next to her. She closed her eyes. " Let's just say justice was served." Logan stared at her in disbelief... and understanding. " Didn't you get... did anyone find them? I mean, were you convicted? " he asked quietly. She looked up at him, shaking. " There wasn't a piece of either one of them left that was big enough for anybody to find. The stories were that... they just..."vanished." Logan snickered. " Shit! That's ... wild, Ari."
" Yeah... wild... see what I mean, Logan? Now I can explain those actions... it doesn't make it right... but it makes it so much easier to understand. Doesn't it? " He nodded. " We just have to learn how to control it... use it to our advantage. " They got up and walked on out into the darkness again. Ari told Logan more about animals, their natural instincts, explaining why he sometimes felt and acted the way he did. When they came to the lab, it was Ari's turn to be horrified. She sobbed when she saw the things that they had done to him... the torture... the pain... he comforted her as best he could in this body, wishing for the first time that he was in HIS body. He finally convinced her to move on, talking to her softly, assuring her that he was alright. As they walked, he could feel the anger seething and building in her... he knew what would happen if she ever found the people that had done those things to him. It was a new and comforting feeling to have someone beside you, understanding you, and sharing your feelings.
They walked through images and memories and she talked to him, explaining and comforting. The only times that she could not bear to look, were when Logan was with other women. The first time they had come upon a steamy scene, she stared and her breath caught sharply. He was thankful that they at least still had their clothes on. Logan was upset that she had seen it, but he didn't know how to control the things that she saw, so he apologized and said he'd tell her not to look when they were coming up on a scene like that. He knew that there would be a lot more of that ahead, and most of them would be a lot more graphic than that one. She walked along silently for a while, with her nose down... thinking about what she had seen. She had never been naive enough to think that Logan wasn't "experienced" with women, on the contrary, she knew that he had been very comfortable around her... the complete opposite of the way she had been around him. She knew by the way he had taught her to kiss that he was an expert at it, but she had never let her mind dwell on it. She was shocked at how deeply it hurt... seeing him in the arms... tangled up like a pretzel was more like it... she grimaced. She had no idea people could... she wanted to be the one.... she tried to put it out of her mind. She caught glimpses of many different women as they walked, before he could warn her to turn away. They were almost all very beautiful.... and they knew what to do... to give him what he wanted.
Every time he told her not to look, she became more confused. She was filled with jealousy, and hurt, she knew that it wasn't his fault, but she wanted to understand. " Logan... why so ... many women... I don't understand. Logan... Do you... LOVE ... all of those women? "
Logan snorted. " No, Ari... Of course I don't love those women." " Then why... ? " she asked looking up at his eyes. He sighed, " Look, Ari... I told you there was a lot about me you didn't know. There's a whole lot about me you're not 'gonna like. I'm sorry, but... most people don't get the opportunity to go around pokin' around in somebody else's head. " She lowered her head. She was so confused... and disappointed. She realized that this must be the human part of his nature. That was a small comfort. No wonder she had never been attracted to normal men... they were pigs. " Logan? "
" Hmm? " he asked looking over at her. " Wolves mate for life... did you know that? " He sighed, " I'm sorry, " he said softly.
Ari decided she wanted to get out of his head a lot quicker than this, so she stepped up the pace. The next scene they came to was a cage fight with lots of screaming and cheering, Ari walked toward it quickly, interested. Logan slowed down, " Let's not ..." Ari ignored him, and walked into the scene. Shit!
He followed her in reluctantly. He knew that if she hadn't liked the women, she was 'gonna hate this! Ari was peering into the cage, fascinated. He watched her face, not wanting to see what he was doing to the man in the fight... hearing it was bad enough. Contrary to the response he expected, she was animated, excited. Her nose twitched with the scent of fresh blood, and she licked her muzzle repeatedly. Ari was looking at Logan's body. She had never had the opportunity to study a man in motion, and every muscle of Logan's gorgeous body was working, flexing, hurting... her heart was beating wildly. He watched her, amazed. He could feel the desire... Hell... the sheer out and out lust oozing through her. The man fighting him hit hard and Logan's body crashed into the cage directly in front of her. She jumped back a little, shocked, blood splattered onto her nose and she closed her eyes and licked it off slowly with her long tongue, quivering and moaning softly with pleasure. Shit! Logan cleared his throat... " Ari? " She looked up, eyelids heavy, half out of it with desire. " Hmm? " she said quietly.
" Let's get out of here." he said, turning away. She groaned and followed him out reluctantly, turning back to check out his body several times as they walked out. Logan was very confused. He kind of liked it that she was so turned on by watching him in action, but he didn't understand her reaction to him beating the guy half to death. " Ari, my body heals almost instantly when I get hurt. "
" I know that, Logan," she said, confused by his mood.
" Didn't it bother you that I was half killin' that guy and ... he can't heal like I can? I have the advantage... it's not a fair fight. Ari, I've been in hundreds of those fights. Doesn't that bother you? "
She thought for a while... not sure how to answer... to make him understand. " Logan?" she looked up at him. " .... You were just playin' with your food. " He looked at her aghast. " If you don't keep on the top, somebody will take you out... you were just keeping sharp. It's not that hard to understand, Logan... You have to be the Alpha male. " she sighed. " It's a completely natural part of your animal mind. If you don't hone your instincts and your skills constantly, daily..... somebody will beat you... then they will be on top... and you'll probably be dead. It's as simple as that. "
Logan sighed and slowly nodded his head, it was starting to sink in. Ari continued, " If doing it that way bothers you so much, you'll have to figure out a different way to keep yourself prepared, in shape... you have to do it, though, it's part of you. To deny that part of you will eventually destroy you." She looked up at him, tentatively. She licked her muzzle. " I ... I love that part of you, Logan." she whispered. Her eyes opened wide. " It ... makes me... crazy."
Logan's body tingled with desire and he growled softly. He started to walk toward her, but she jumped up, laughing and bounded off ahead of him. He chuckled and ran off after her. They ran for a long time... Logan was surprised at how fast she was. Eventually, he caught up with her. She had stopped abruptly and was staring at a particular memory in wonder. As he neared, he could see himself lying, unconscious on the top of the Statue of Liberty. He had just saved Rogue and his face was covered with wounds. Ari's lips were trembling and she was very upset. Logan stopped and gave her a quick version of the whole story, and she listened, fascinated. When he finished, he looked into her eyes to see what she was thinking. A tear rolled down her face. " You saved her, Logan... you saved everybody." Her eyes glowed with pride. " Logan, all of those times, the fighting in the cage, the rages you described... all of those experiences were preparing you for things like this. Even the adamantium is a gift. Your animal side... it helped make this possible," she said motioning to the scene. " Instead of fighting the gifts you've been given, you need to embrace them... be thankful for the opportunities you have to do good." she smiled at him lovingly. " You're wonderful."
She turned slowly and started walking again. They were almost there... and she wanted him to wake up so badly. She saw him with Rogue next, and it was good. It helped her to understand Rogue's reaction to her... then she saw Jean. She didn't miss Logan's reaction to seeing her, either. She could feel his desire for her, and she appeared to be interested in him, too. Ari wasn't surprised. It explained a lot about Jean's behavior earlier, too. She sniffed, closed her eyes and ran on, she'd made a decision. She hadn't known exactly what to do... after... she sighed. It was clear to her now, there was only one thing to do... even if it was the hardest thing she knew she'd ever have to do.
They ran into the darkness, and up to the wall. Logan was breathing hard, and dizzy. He had been too weak to run that long, so soon. Ari wasn't worried anymore... she knew he was going to be fine... she turned around and faced him... concentrating hard.
Logan knew something was up with her... he'd sensed a change ever since they had seen Jean, and now she was facing him defiantly, yes, she was definitely up to something. " What?" he asked, suspiciously.
Ari smiled. When she spoke her voice was calm and professional. " Logan. in a few minutes you will wake up. You will remember everything that I have taught you. You will understand yourself in a new way, and you will know that someone... is like you. You are not alone. " she swallowed, struggling to force herself on. " You will always feel my presence, to comfort and help you... but ..." her voice broke," you will not remember that I was here today. " The last came out in a hoarse whisper.
Logan was staring at her, mouth open in disbelief. " No! I will not forget you!... I don't want to forget you!" he shouted. She shook her head sadly. " Yes, you will... you ... have to, I'm not giving you a choice. "
" How... why...?" he asked, confused.
" How? Because I can. Why? Because it's the best thing... for you. I promise, Logan... I'm doing it for you."
She turned and leapt with all of her strength through the wall, willing herself to be strong... stronger than she'd ever been in her life. The last thing she heard was his voice screaming. " I won't forget you! "
Ari opened her eyes and immediately an involuntary sob escaped her. Tears poured down her face as she raised herself slowly over Logan and kissed his mouth softly. " Yes, you will... but I promise you, Logan... I'll remember well enough for both of us." She cried quietly against his chest for a moment and then tore herself away and walked to the door.
All references to characters belonging to the X-Men Universe are (c) and TM the Marvel Comics Group, 20th Century Fox and all related entities. All rights reserved. Any reproduction, duplication or distribution of these materials in any form is expressly prohibited. No money is being made from this archive. All images are also (c) and TM the Marvel Comics Group, 20th Century Fox and all related entities; they are not mine. This website, its operators and any content used on this site relating to the X-Men are not authorized by Marvel, Fox, etc. I am not, nor do I claim to be affiliated with any of these entities in any way.