Alpha Male Chapter Eighteen - Seperation by LoganLuvr
Ari still had tears running down her face when she opened the door. The Professor and Jean were not the least bit surprised to see them. " He'll be waking up soon," Ari said quietly. They nodded and looked at her with sympathy in their eyes. Ari eyed them suspiciously, they looked just a little bit guilty. When their eyes met, Jean looked away quickly. Ari's eyes flew to the Professor. He was grim, and looked concerned. " What?" she said, the panic starting to rise in her chest.
The Professor sighed, and said, " Ari, Jean and I have ... telepathic abilities.... do you know what that means? " The color draining from her face answered his question. " We were concerned to leave you too long with Logan, not knowing if you would be able to reach him." Ari's hands flew to her mouth, her eyes widened in disbelief and horror. " How much... did you...?" she croaked. The Professor smiled assuredly, " Ari, you were reaching Logan on a very different level than Jean or I could have done. You were in an area of his mind that is inaccessible to us. We could sense when you found him, and when he chose to return, but we could not see what you saw. We feel, as you did, that Logan had chosen not to return to us... we are convinced that you brought him back when we..." he hesitated "... well, ... we would not have had the "options" available to us that you did."
Ari was looking back and forth between them, looking for any sign, any hope that they did not know what had happened... what she had let happen... no hope was forthcoming. They knew. Shit! Jean kept her eyes diverted and swallowed hard, " I'm going to go in to see if he's awake yet," she said uncomfortably. As she slid past Ari, she mumbled quietly, " I'm sorry. "
" Oh my God..." Ari said, horrified. She couldn't bring herself to look at the Professor. " It would have been nice for you to have told me... before..." she said quietly, her voice trailing off.
" Ari, you told us that you needed to concentrate. You wouldn't have felt free enough to... Do you really believe that you could have convinced him to come with you without..." she shook her head, slowly. " You did what you had to do... and choosing to make him forget was... well, it was one of the bravest things I have ever seen anyone do, Ari."
Ari wiped a tear that was rolling down her cheek. " I... I don't want him to know... please, promise me that you won't tell him... and Jean..."
" We will make sure that no one knows, Ari. Rest assured of that. " She nodded, and swallowed. " Ari? I would very much like to study your abilities... would you come to see me tomorrow?" She nodded again. " Good. Let's go check on our friend, Logan." Ari took a deep breath and opened the door, shaking. The Professor went in and she stepped in behind him, closing the door softly, leaning against it, steadying herself... she was pretty sure Logan was going to be fine, but she couldn't bring herself to leave until she saw him... awake. Jean was about finished checking his vitals, and she was smiling at the Professor.
" I can't believe the change... I'm not sure if it was the blood, or if his healing factor finally kicked in, but this is more like Logan than I've seen all day." The relief in her voice was obvious, and Ari watched her, trying hard not to give in to the jealousy that sought to engulf her. She was so beautiful.
Logan swallowed and cleared his throat, opening his eyes and blinking slowly. Ari had to hold onto the doorknob with all of her strength to stop herself from running to his side. His eyes finally focused on Jean's smiling face and he smiled softly. " Jean..." he said hoarsely. The Professor breathed a deep sigh of relief and moved closer.
Ari opened the door quietly, not taking even a moment to close it behind her, and ran down the hallway, blinded by tears.
Logan sighed deeply, closing his eyes. Then a frown played across his face, and he opened them quickly. " Jean, .... where's ... Ari? " Jean smiled and turned toward the door... and then frowned. All she saw was the door closing quietly. Ari was gone.
Ari had a keen sense of direction and a near photographic memory. Getting back to her room ... Logan's room, was not a problem. When she reached it, she closed the door and threw herself onto the bed, sobbing her heart out. She cried and cried for a long time, it'd been years since she'd hurt this badly. Since the day they found her father's body. She cried until there were no tears left in her, and then she fell into a deep, exhausted sleep.
Logan was upset that Ari was not in the room... and he wasn't sure why. Jean had assured him that she had just been there, that she was probably going to be coming back any minute. She had let slip that Ari had ... saved him... let it slip he knew, because the minute she'd said it the Professor had cleared his throat loudly and frowned at her shaking his head. He had never seen Xavier look at Jean that way, and he could sense that she had just stepped over a line... a line he couldn't see. They were keeping something from him. Well, he decided he would deal with that later.
He still felt like shit, but it was such an improvement that he knew he was going to be fine. He closed his eyes and rested, his thoughts swirling and gelling in his mind. He slowly began to remember new and comforting truths about himself... things he couldn't wait to hash out... learn from. He felt sick, but he was more excited than he could ever remember being before. He had something to live for... it was weird, it was like it had just come to him out of nowhere. He smiled softly to himself. Maybe it had taken getting as low as he could possibly go before he could look up. He could remember clearly, deciding he wanted to die. It seemed like a hundred years ago... now all he wanted was to live. He couldn't wait to get out of here, he felt like running... fast and hard, as long as he could. He felt like... he snorted... he felt like howling. What the Hell? Why did he get that strange tingling feeling when he thought about that?
He smiled to himself, then frowned... there was something else. It was so dim and distant that he couldn't quite grasp it. It was a was a truth... a fact. It was something he knew he had to have ... to know, but he couldn't for the life of him remember it. He could only understand and feel parts of it, pieces of the whole. His heart leapt as they came to him, those fragments of understanding. There was someone... like him... out there. He wasn't alone anymore. There was someone with him... inside him, yet apart from him... he didn't understand... but he was tired... too tired to think so hard. He fell into a deep, exhausted sleep.
Logan awoke several times during the night as Jean checked his vitals and changed his IV bags. Every time he woke, he felt stronger. He asked about Ari several times, but Jean kept assuring him that it was the middle of the night, and everyone was sleeping. He nodded, understanding that, but unable to control his desire to see her. It was odd, and it bothered him that he needed to see her so badly. Every time he fell asleep, he slept a little more fitfully.
By noon the next day, Logan was feeling much better. Jean had stopped his IV and had long since stopped making excuses for Ari. She had a feeling she knew why Ari was staying away, but the Professor had made it clear that everything that they had..." felt " was to remain a secret. She didn't feel that it was fair to Logan... he had no idea what was going on, and she could feel that it was hurting him. She talked to him a lot about what was happening here at the school, how everyone was doing... she even told him that she and Scott were trying to start a family. Logan had been genuinely happy for her. Rogue had visited twice already. Logan tried to get information from her, regarding Ari's whereabouts, but she hadn't seen her yet today. He tried several times to get up, but the dizziness returned and Jean refused to let him go anywhere. He was starting to feel the old frustrations building, and he was beginning to get a little bit angry.
Ari slept much later than usual. It was almost noon when she groaned and rolled out of the bed... Logan's bed. Her heart lurched at the thought. Logan had slept in this bed. She laid back down slowly, and buried her face in the mattress. It was no use, his scent had long since vanished. She focused her mind, and felt for his presence. She could feel him, he was alive, and doing much better. She smiled and sighed, then got up and took a shower. She knew that the next few days were going to be the hardest days of her life, and she braced herself for it. Anything was possible. If she had been right about her abilities, Logan would not miss her. He would wonder why she didn't come to see him, he would probably be upset, but Ari could live with that. That was so much better than the alternative. She had to keep as much distance between them as possible. She knew that if she could close her eyes and feel him, it might be possible for him to do the same... even though she had erased his memories, about them...she closed her eyes and shook it out of her mind. She had to be strong enough for both of them. She formulated a sketchy plan, realizing that if he became too difficult, she would just have to leave. She showered, brushed her teeth and prepared herself for meeting with the Professor. Her new discoveries about her true nature were already taking effect. She looked at everything she had brought to wear disdainfully. She was ready to look different... more like her true self. She laughed, wearing nothing was definitely NOT an option, although it sounded fine to her animal side. She had always slept nude, and it was then that she felt the most comfortable. Clothes were constricting... a hindrance to movement and freedom. She laughed again... that made perfect sense to her today. She finally chose a loose shirt and a pair of tight-fitting, but comfortable, old pair of soft blue jeans. Her hair she left loose, brushing it slightly and letting it dry on its' own, the damp curls hanging loosely about her face. She looked at herself in the mirror and frowned. Maybe she would go shopping later today.
She found her way to the Professor's office and tapped on the door softly. It opened immediately, he had been right on the other side of it. His eyes opened wide in surprise, and a huge smile came over his face. " Ah, Ari... I trust you slept well." She nodded, smiling... he certainly could change your mood. " I'm just headed out for lunch, would you care to join me? "
" I'd love to, I'm starved! " she said, raising her hand to her empty stomach. He started to move down the hall, and then stopped, frowning and changing his mind. " Let's have lunch brought to my office, we can talk there, and I am so eager to discuss your abilities with you... Is that alright with you? " She nodded, her stomach clenching a little. Discussing what had happened yesterday... with this man, was not something she was particularly looking forward to. He called the kitchen and ordered them a fine lunch. Ari's stomach growled in anticipation. As soon as he reached to hang up the phone he said, " Logan's doing much better today."
Ari nodded, smiling. " I know. He's much stronger. It's amazing that his body can work like that."
The Professor smiled and nodded, then asked with a raised brow, " So you've been to see him today?" Ari shook her head quickly, " No, I'm not going to see Logan. I want to stay as far away from him as I can. " He was surprised. " Ari, how did you know about Logan's condition? Did Jean or Rogue talk to you? " She shook her head, licking her lips and struggling to explain. " No... I can feel him... I closed my eyes, and concentrated. I could feel that he was alive... that he was stronger."
He nodded, fascinated. " Ari, I want you to close your eyes, and concentrate... and try to feel me."
Ari licked her lips and nodded. She closed her eyes and took a sharp, shuddering breath in. Knowing she was half animal hadn't changed the fact that she was awkward and shy with people. - He's a mutant, Ari, give him a a chance. - She concentrated as hard as she could, under the circumstances. It was confusing, because her heightened senses were, of course, aware of his presence. She could feel his movements, smell his masculine scent, his cologne, hear his heart beating. It was not the same as what she felt with Logan. She opened her eyes, frowning. " I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing. " He smiled. " Ari, how do you feel Logan, what do you do? " She blew a deep breath out, concentrating, frowning. " I'm not sure. Logan is always there, in my mind. I don't hardly have to try to feel him at all. With you it's different. I can smell you, hear your heart, feel you... physically ... but I don't automatically know what you are feeling. Inside. With Logan, I can tell if he has a change of mood, I can feel his pain, his happiness..." she snickered "... rarely, ... he's such an ogre, isn't he? " she asked, laughing fondly.
The Professor laughed in agreement. " Ari. I want you to try again, and this time, I'm going to give you just a bit of help. See if you can feel me now. "
Ari closed her eyes. After a few moments, she felt something strange. It was definitely him, but it took her a moment to draw her mind to it... to him. It seemed as if he was in a completely different area of her mind, a part that she was not used to using. When she focused on it hard enough and shifted her mind in just the right way, she could feel him strongly. Her eyes flew open in surprise. " Yes, I felt you, what did you do? It was different, like you were in a different part of my mind."
The Professor's eyes shone with amusement. " It was quite simple, all I did was touch your mind with the slightest emotion. You will have no problem seeing into human minds, being able to heal them as you did Logan... with the proper training. " She gasped in surprise. " Ari, you think and feel on a completely different level than the rest of us. I believe that you use the "animal" area of your mind almost entirely. It's amazing that you are able to function among humans as well as you do." Ari snickered... - if you only knew -. " Even Logan uses primarily the human part of his mind, I imagine that is why he has such a difficult time controlling his animal nature. He's not as comfortable with it, because he is fighting it from a human standpoint." Ari nodded her head. " You, on the other hand, probably fight to be in control of your human side most often. Would you say that is true? "
Ari nodded and sighed. " All of my life I have been so different ... I never fit in with people. It would have been nice to understand all of this earlier. " He smiled and nodded, " Yes, but having to struggle and grow and adapt yourself to life with regular people has made you the wonderful person that you are. " She redenned brightly. " Ari, you could be such a help to Logan... are you SURE that you don't want to see him?" Her eyes flew open. " No, I can't see him ... " she sighed, concentrating on how to explain.
" Professor, what we did... what happened yesterday.." she licked her lips and looked up at him shyly.
" Professor, wolves... when they mate... " He nodded, beginning to understand. " Aah,...I see. Yes, ... they mate for life."
Ari nodded and continued, " Logan is a very independent person. His freedom is very important to him. What happened... well, ... the reason I had to make him forget was so that he could be free. " Her lips quivered and her eyes filled with tears. She swallowed a huge lump in her throat. " Taking his freedom away would be like putting a rare and beautiful wild animal in a cage for the rest of its' life. Oh, right now... today... he wouldn't mind, but it would eventually destroy him.... and he would end up hating me for it." A tear rolled down her face. " She looked up at the Professor with tortured eyes. " If only...I could make ... myself forget." She buried her face in her hands and cried.
Charles Xavier was impressed, to say the least. He came around the desk to her and offered her a Kleenex. " Ari, don't you think that is Logan's decision to make? You are a rare and wonderful woman... it could be that Logan would gladly choose to hand his freedom over to you. " She looked at him, smiling in appreciation through her tears. " If Logan were to have chosen me on his own, of his own free will... I would have ... I would have had everything I've ever wanted," she finished quietly, " ... but I did what I had to do, and now his freedom to choose me has been taken away... and I will not take advantage of him like this." She raised her head, sniffed and looked at the Professor defiantly. " I am going to keep as much distance between us as possible, in hopes that he will not need to be with me. As soon as you are done "studying me" I will be going home."
The Professor was about to say something to try to convince her that she was wrong when there was a knock on the door, and a woman entered with their lunch. Ari jumped up to help, thankful for the distraction, and they sat down to a wonderful meal, talking quietly and comfortably about anything but Logan.
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